Strengthening Your Strong Self and Winning Over Your Weak Self Through Purpose, Challenge and Support

Ray Gutoski

“There are two wolves inside of us all. One is darkness and despair. The other is light and hope. They are always fighting.”

“Which one wins?”

“The one you feed.”

    -Well-known Native American parable

​We all have two selves... a strong self and a weak self. They are two completely different selves. Depending on which one is manifesting we see ourselves and the world through completely different lenses.

​Your weak self is not the real you—but it wants you to believe it is.

Our weak, negative self can show up in different forms: doubt, fear, self-criticism, blaming, complaining, laziness, hopelessness, apathy, anger, greed, foolishness or anxiety etc. It can even be very subtle such as convincing you to lay back and not challenge yourself even more when things are going good.

.

It can also take the form of depression—a deep sense of powerlessness and the belief that things will never get better.

And when this side of us speaks, it tries to convince us it’s who we really are. It whispers: “This is the real you. You’re not strong. You’re not good enough. You’ll never change.”

But here’s the truth:

You are not your weak self. You also have a strong, powerful self—and the more you challenge the weak side, the stronger and happier you become.

​The Role of Obstacles: Inner and Outer

In our pleasure and instant gratification based society we’ve been taught that happiness should feel easy and look perfect—like we’re always smiling and positive. We’ve been taught that pain means something is wrong with us.That if we’re struggling, it means we’re failing. But that’s simply not true.

Real growth only happens through challenge.

Real confidence only develops when we face our pain and fear and keep going and when we seek to identify and challenge the cause of our pain rather than deny or try to escape from it.

Real joy comes from victory over our weak self.

Just like going to the gym, where resistance makes your muscles grow—life’s inner and outer obstacles are emotional weights.  They are necessary.

They are how you build emotional strength, courage, and wisdom.

Train Your Strong Self Like a Muscle

Your strong self must be trained—daily. And here’s the exciting part: 

The more you challenge your weak self with courage, intention, and action, the more you enjoy it—because you start to see yourself winning from the inside out.

You’ll feel your mood shift.

You’ll notice your self-talk improve.

Your determination to win increases.

You’ll carry yourself with more dignity, compassion, and quiet strength.

You realize that inner change is more important than externals.

You spend less and less time in the negative state.

Over time, your happiness set point raises- your overall level of happiness —and your strong self becomes your new normal.

When You’re Being Attacked by Your Weak Self—Remember This

When your weak self is loud…

when you feel tired, discouraged, or full of doubt…

don’t forget: you can win. The attack of your weak self actually is a sign that you are progressing.

And one of the most powerful ways to win is to reconnect with your sense of meaning and purpose.

Ask yourself:

Why am I here?

What can I contribute today?

How can I express strength, compassion, and purpose—right now—in my attitude and actions?

Live with Purpose, in Big and Small Ways

Create clear goals for every area of your life that inspire and motivate you. Write about why achieving them is meaningful to you. The more we equate a sense of meaning in our goals the more our mind is motivated to keep going and do whatever we need to to achieve them.

Create a mission statement that reflects your sense  of meaning and purpose for all of the important areas of your life and read it every day.

Your purpose doesn’t have to be grand or dramatic.

It can be found in how you treat people in your everyday life—with love, empathy, respect, and sincerity.

Each time you choose kindness over anger…

Each time you encourage instead of criticize…

Each time you support someone who’s struggling…

You feed your strong self—and you feed theirs.

The Power of Both Getting and Giving Support

Another essential part of strengthening your strong self is learning to both receive and give support.

Receiving support is not weakness—it’s wisdom.

Reach out. Ask for help. Let someone remind you of your value.

Giving support to others also builds your own confidence and compassion. ​Even when you’re struggling, helping someone else helps you too.

Support is not a sign of failure—it’s a foundation for success.

We grow faster when we’re connected, when we know we’re not alone, and when we lift each other up.

Think of winning over obstacles not just for yourself but so you can be an example to others who are challenging their lives.

Protect Your Health and Practice Self Care

This goes without saying. When you are tired rest, protect your health eat well, exercise  and get plenty of sleep,

Cherish Your Social Connections in Your Personal Life and at Work and Continue Developing Them

This is one of the most important things for happiness. Also choose your friends wisely. Hang out with positive people.

Avoid Perfectionism

Keep moving forward taking small brave steps to achieve your goals and self development but realize perfectionism can be a significant hindrance if it means you are never satisfied when you have done your best. Live in the present and win small achievable daily victories and celebrate them. Small consistent steps lead to major victories in life. Learn from falling short and failing and forget it.  

Final Thought

Your happiness doesn’t come from avoiding pain or pretending to be perfect.

It comes from choosing your strongest self—over and over again—with the help of meaning, connection, and courage.

Ray Gutoski

Director: The Happiness Project